Even Superheroes Have Kryptonite

"I'll see you later," he lied.
"Yeah, I'll see you around," I emptily replied.

As that lie escaped my mouth I recognized the stillness of the moment. The dull sunlight managing to escape from the clutches of the thick, navy curtains. The sun kissed dust dancing around in the early morning light. His hand on the brass door knob. The same hand that was tracing lazy circles on my back minutes before hand. 

And all at once, the haze is broken with a single noise. A soft click. As I stare blankly at the bland ceiling above me, my thoughts are any thing but silent.

"I'll see you later."

Another empty promise. Another coined phrase from, "Hooking up: For Dummies." A manual that a clearly haven't read.

I swear every single one of these déjà vu moments ends with wondering what I did wrong and why I always end up in the same place.

As my hand combed through my once party prepped hair, I remember that this isn't my first rodeo. Oh no, I'm experienced in the art of willingly leaping into the no strings attached, 2 a.m. only relationships. I've gone through my fair share of eager "yes! let's do this again!"'s. I believed that every one night stand could mean something. This led to two results: a series of nights spent crying off my makeup, and a series of nights spent pitying myself.

Why do we end up in the same place? 

How could I be so naive?

Why do we always willingly fall into the comforting arms of another?

I may not have an answer, but I have experience. And so far only one phrase seems to fit the occasion: even superheroes have kryptonite.

The Great Hookup Competition

My theory: we rarely hook up for ourselves.

People get drunk.

People hook up.

People get themselves into situations they thought they'd never be in.

But, most of all:

People talk. 

And I'm not talking about exclusively hooking up. I'm talking about friends, the conversations we have, and the gratification one receives from saying that they "did it."

Lets face it: a big reason for doing it is to say you did it. Plain and simple. We like something to discuss with our friends. We like to hear their hookup stories as well. There is something that draws everyone towards the, "sooooo, what men do you have in your life?" conversation. This can be seen in the early ages of pre-school wanting to know who your best friends crush is all the way to the senior home. 

We have a weird need to have some sort of relationship going on in our life. After all, who doesn't want a "Sex in the City" lifestyle? We crave that "Oh my God, my life is kinda totally complete now!" moment to share with others.

Real Talk

Every time. We make the same damn mistake every time. We convince ourselves that we can do this whole "no strings attached" thing. We obsess over the idea of an extremely emotionless, physical relationship that will never last. We logically know that a one night stand won't escalate to anything. And sending eggplant emojis is certainly not take home to the parents worthy.

So why do we always run back?

A distraction.

And, no. Not until we find our true love- a distraction from our thoughts. The mind is a powerful, powerful thing. At the end of the day the arms of a boy/girl are safer than our minds.

When the hook up is all over, and everything is said and done, we feel empty. There is a hole full of a lack of fulfillment inside of us. Inside there is always a little voice ticking saying, "what else can make you feel whole?"

And you hate yourself for thinking this. Over and over and over again you wish upon the Canopus star that you will find anything to fill this. Hooking up temporarily makes you feel whole.

Intoxication.

Spontaneity.

Electricity.

Fun.

All words that fill this void. All words to describe sex. All words to describe a passion.

Some people thrive on a passion. They don't need a guy/ girl to have a purpose. Their purpose is their passion.

One day, something will come along. Something that lights up your soul. A purpose. A feeling that shakes your bones and says, "yes! Do that!" A passion that will run through your blood stream and explode into a million and two goose bumps. 

Do more of that.

Don't be afraid of getting to know yourself. Learn what makes you tick. Discover what keeps you going. We think that we have forever to discover what we love, but you never know when forever will end. Start looking now. 

We don't hook up because we are bored, or incapable of relationships, or just want sex. It boils down to us being afraid of knowing ourselves. Us being afraid of discovering that worthwhile goose bump feeling.

A Final Note to Self

Every one night stand, every hook up, every friend with benefits will only make you stronger, wiser, more confident, and more experienced. Failure cannot be feared! Stop pitying yourself, pick yourself up from the ashes, and don't beat yourself up for being human. You know what they say: you learn how to love from the people who couldn't love you.

So dust yourself off, stop clutching onto your white duvet, and remember:

Even superheroes have kryptonite.